4 tips to help your teen feel positive and emotionally balanced during the school year

Don’t let the positive summer vibes fade when the school year begins. Follow these 4 tips to help your teen’s mood stay positive during the school year:

Many teens find summer to be rejuvenating and struggle getting back to the grind when the school year begins. Teens don’t want to say goodbye to the warm weather, vacations, and a more relaxed schedule. I can say the same for adults too! So how can we help our teens carry over the positive impact of a summer break into the school year?

 1. Sleep: Many of my teen clients are sleeping more in the summer, reporting that they feel more energetic, clear, and emotionally balanced. During the school year, sleep often gets bumped to the bottom of the priority list due to schoolwork, sports, and a social life placing more demands on their schedules. Teens get by during the school year with less and less sleep, relying on naps and crashing on the weekends. This unhealthy pattern negatively impacts emotional and physical health, making them feel as though they are running on empty.

During the school year, teens should aim for 8 hours of sleep. Encourage your teen to start winding down an hour before bedtime, taking a shower, turning off electronics, and choosing a relaxing activity to help their minds quiet down. This may mean doing schoolwork right after school or when they get home from sports/activities rather than putting it off until late at night.

 2. Healthy Eating: During the school year, many teens skip breakfast and or lunch, saying they aren’t hungry or they don’t have time. This means their bodies don’t have fuel to run on, making them feel sluggish and can negatively impact their ability to focus. If your teen doesn’t have time to eat a sit down breakfast, they can grab something for the car or bus. A piece of fruit, dry cereal, or granola bar are some quick and easy options that can get them going in the morning. Teens can also pack lunch before they go to bed so they don’t have to worry about it in the morning and can grab it on their way out the door. Encourage balanced choices in food with fruit, vegetables, whole grains, and protein. Doing some food prep at the start of the week such as washing and portioning fruits and veggies can make it easy for the whole family to eat healthy while on the go. Remind your teen that if a car does not have gas, it won’t run. We have to look at our bodies this way too.

3. Get outside: The summer brings more sunshine and warm weather, drawing us outside for swimming, socializing, sports, and vacations. During the school year, we spend much of our time in buildings with less access to the outside world. We can become deficient in vitamin D during the winter months, which can decrease mood; so getting some sunlight is especially important. We can also boost vitamin D through our diets.

Making time each day for at least 10 minutes of fresh air can do wonders for our mood. Teens can do their homework outside on the porch, throw a ball around the yard with their dog, or go for a walk around the neighborhood. If your teen can find 20 minutes for their walk (or any cardio activity), a bonus is that it releases endorphins in their brain, which can help to boost mood!

4. Self Care: In the summer, teens may finally pick up a book that is just for pleasure or do an activity that seems impossible to find time for during the school year like painting. It is so important to make time for ourselves during the busy seasons in our lives. Clients often say, “I don’t have time to do something for me, I have too much homework”. Even during finals week, teens can carve out 5-10 minutes to do something for themselves such as take a bubble bath, paint their nails, read a book for pleasure, call a friend, draw or do art, treat themselves to a hot chocolate, or stretch on the floor while listening to music. We don’t have to have hours for self care in order for it to be impactful. A little moment can go a long way. Encourage your teen to take a break when they are doing homework and can feel the stress rising. They can set a timer for 10 minutes and do something just for them.

So in the end, part of the reason we long for summer and embrace it so much is because we prioritize our basic needs and make more time for ourselves. Maybe it can be possible to find emotional balance and joy during the school year without a beach after all : )

How do I get my teen to talk to me?

Recently I had a really great conversation with parents at a PTO meeting. We talked about signs of stress and anxiety in teens and how parents can help. During our conversation, some parents expressed that their teens don’t share with them when they are upset or stressed, often just giving them 1-word answers when asked how their day was. So how can you help your teen when they don’t share openly about their feelings?

Consider the setting and timing: The setting and timing can have a lot to do with your teen’s comfort level opening up. When they come home from school and they are tired from their day, they may not want to share openly about their school day and how they feel really worried about their math grade. Catching your teen at times when they can share more organically, without the pressure of direct eye contact can be helpful. Driving in the car can be a great location for a conversation, when you and your teen are both focused on the road and at times may have the dark of night to create a more safe space. Going for a walk or walking the family dog with your teen can provide another setting to open up conversation. Exercise releases natural endorphins in the brain so your teen may be feeling more positive and likely to talk. Again, the conversation can feel safer and more natural as you walk and talk without constant direct eye contact.  Playing a card game or a board game together is another option. This is a strategy many therapists use with teen clients to help build rapport and spark more natural conversation as teens adjust to a counseling setting. Another setting is bedtime, tucked into their beds, away from the stress of the world. Although you may be focused on getting your teen to sleep, knowing how crucial sleep is to their health, the quiet of the night can trigger time to think and process with you.

Ask open-ended questions: When asking questions, remember that closed questions, such as “Did you like school today?” with answers such as yes/no, can be limiting. Open-ended questions, such as “What was the best part of your day?” challenge your teen to think about their day and give an answer with more detail. It also provides an opportunity for follow up questions as your teen responds.

Normalize tough emotions: This was a great reminder from one of the parents in the group that highlighted how sharing stories about your own struggles experienced that day can help to normalize tough emotions, especially if you suspect your teen may be struggling with something. For example, you may share that you felt stressed at work when you were trying to tackle a large to-do list. This can normalize that even adults feel stress or negative emotions. It can also provide you an opportunity to share how you manage tough emotions to cope.

Take a non-judgmental stance: If your teen finally opens up and they are met with anger, fear, or judgment, this can quickly shut them down and send a message that they can’t talk to you. It can be challenging to control your immediate response, but coming from a place of love and asking follow up questions to gain a better understanding of what your teen is sharing can keep you in the loop rather than getting shut out. You are entitled to your feelings, so take the time to breath and process when the conversation has ended, thinking about what next steps should be rather than being reactive or harsh in the moment.

The moral of the story- if your teen wants to talk, take the time to listen, even if it is a time that does not feel convenient. Let them know you are interested and supportive and if you really can’t talk at that time, give them a specific time that you will circle back to the conversation. Being a teen is tough, and being a parent to a teen can be even more difficult between the worry and guessing game as to how your teen is doing. So be creative when finding a time and space that feels comfortable for your teen to talk. Try to be open and as non-judgmental as possible, letting your teen know you will do your best to understand and help them find solutions to their struggles. And finally, pat yourself on the back for the hard work and dedication it takes to be a parent!

Is your teen experiencing a normal amount of stress or is it becoming unhealthy?

Some stress can actually be a good thing. Stress can act as a signal to our bodies and minds that we need to act because something is important. When you learn that a mid term test is scheduled for next week and you begin to feel a little nervous, that is an indication that you need to study. A strategy to resolve the nervous feeling is to schedule plenty of time for studying over the week. Stress can become problematic when it begins to build over time and we don’t recognize the toll it is taking on us, making it difficult to function. So what should you look for in your teen as signs of unhealthy levels of stress?

• Complaining of frequent stomach aches/headaches

• Fatigue

• Lack of motivation

• Easily overwhelmed

• Poor sleep

• Unable to focus

• Withdrawing socially

• Sadness

• Irritable

• Outbursts of anger or emotions

• Poor appetite or overeating

What can you do if you see these signs of elevated stress in your teen?  Talk with your teen. Open up a conversation about their life. How are they balancing schoolwork, extra curricular activities, and their part time job? Does it seem to be too much for them at times? Can they take anything off of their plate to lighten the load? Empathize with your teen about how it can be difficult at times to balance a busy life and give them hope that they can make changes to alleviate their stress. Help them find strategies to relieve their stress such as exercising, spending time with friends, or doing an activity they find enjoyable such as art or cooking.  Assist them in creating an organization system to keep track of assignments and utilize their time. If you believe that your teen needs more assistance, seek help from a school counselor or a therapist. For more information about treating stress and anxiety, contact me here: https://www.lindsaybutlertherapy.com/contact/